Post-grad is an awfully strange time for me. I feel like my highs and lows are more extreme than ever. In a time where I’m trying so hard to find balance, it seems to be evading me.

I’m also becoming very aware of my own mortality and death keeps popping up in my life. My aunt passed away, but it was peaceful and I know she didn’t want to be on the earth anymore. But my grandma was in the hospital and then had a heart attack while there. She’s fine, but fragile. Life seems so fragile. I always saw myself and my life as indestructible. And now I’m becoming aware of how paper-thin things are. It’s like they’re held together with paperclips and gum. 

I still have really strange bouts of intuition and deja vu. Today at work I had a moment. They’re never anything big or special, but the accuracy terrifies me. I dreamt it before I was offered the job. 

I think things seem much more mystical and delicate. I feel like i need to move slowly, with intention and balance. Life doesn’t feel real, yet it’s the realest it has been for me. I feel as though the past few months have been an outer-body experience. Like I’m an astronaut, far away from the real trouble, just watching myself live a life. There’s a disconnect, not because of anything negative, rather I feel fragmented. Dissociative. Lost? Maybe, dream-like?